


Red Carnations

by BlueBloodstains



Category: Homestuck
Genre: (Now with colors!), Alternatively Titled: Rose Has Everything Under Control, Blood, Bro is not a shitty guardian AU, F/M, Fluff, Hanahaki Disease, Humanstuck, M/M, Pining, Rose is the real MVP, Will add tags as I go, basically suffocation, seriously there's a lot of pining, there are pine needles everywhere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-09-28 01:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10061285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueBloodstains/pseuds/BlueBloodstains
Summary: You are sixteen years old when you cough up your first flower petal.It's red.Of course it's fucking red.The same exact red of his text.~~~~~~~~~~~The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from unrequited feelings, where the patient throws up and coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings and memories about the person disappear along with the flowers.





	1. Petals

**Author's Note:**

> Go check out my moirail AceIrregular's stuff! It's really good and it needs more love!! They're currently writing a really awesome Fireflystuck AU, so go check it out!!! Gogogogogo!!!  
> Here's a link!!  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/11878377/chapters/26823015

Your name is John Egbert and you are in love with your best friend. His name is Dave Strider, and you've loved him for years.

You are so fucked.

You knew you loved him when you realized that your heart would turn into a swarm of butterflies whenever you saw he was logged onto Pesterchum. You knew you loved him when he sent you his first track, and it was so good and so _him_ thatyou started listening to it whenever you were particularly upset, and it helped calm you down. You knew you loved him when Valentine's Day rolled around and all you could think about was Dave.

You knew it was hopeless when he and your sister, Jade Harley, started dating.

You couldn't resent her for it. You couldn't find it in you. Dave made Jade happy, and vice versa. Who were you to think you should change that? 

Who were you to think that you'd make him happy?

Nobody, that's who.

Still, you can't help but wonder what it would be like, to be able to hold his hand in yours and hug him and press your lips to his and love him while he loves you back.

You are sixteen when you cough up your first flower petal. You feel a tickling sensation in the back of your throat, and you cough forcefully in an attempt to dislodge whatever has invaded your throat. Holding your hand in front of your mouth, you catch whatever it was as it flutters out. You recognize what it is immediately.

It's red.

Of course it's fucking red.

The same exact red of his text.

You hold the petal while you ache (both your lungs and your heart), coughing up more as the minutes tick by.

Your name is John Egbert, you have Hanahaki Disease, and you don't know what to do now.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The **Hanahaki Disease** is an illness born from unrequited feelings, where the patient throws up and coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings and memories about the person disappear along with the flowers.

 


	2. Decay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go check out my moirail AceIrregular's stuff! It's really good and it needs more love!! They're currently writing a really awesome Fireflystuck AU, so go check it out!!! Gogogogogo!!!  
> Here's a link:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/11878377/chapters/26823015

Red Carnations meant deep affection, passion, and love.

It was accurate if you thought about it. 

Your name is John Egbert, and you've only been getting worse.

Breathing is very slowly becoming more difficult, and the petals are only becoming more frequent.

You don't know how you've hid them from your friends, but no one seems to have noticed.

Good.

You didn't need to bother them with your problems anyway.

Well, Rose has given you some suspicious looks, but you're pretty sure Rose knows just about everything so you're not too worried about that.

"Hey. Egbert. You there? Earth to John."

Dave waves his hand in front of your face, snapping you back to reality.

"O-Oh! Yeah. Sorry, I guess I was spacing out there."

You grin sheepishly, and they return back to the conversation. Something about midterms. You four are in your favorite cafe, Prospit, and you idly swirl your hot chocolate in its cup with your spoon. You glance up.

Rose is looking at you. You feel like she's staring into your soul. You aren't sure if this has anything to do with your current situation, or if this is normal Rose behavior. She used to do this even before flowers started growing inside you.

"John, may I speak to you separately? I need to ask you something, and I wish not to have prying ears."

Oh.

Well.

The conversation slows, and Jade and Dave are looking at you both.

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, as much as I enjoy Biology, I really don't want to worry about tests until I have to."

She nods, smiles a bit, and leads you outside.

 


	3. Blood and Whole Flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go check out my moirail AceIrregular's stuff! It's really good and it needs more love!! They're currently writing a really awesome Fireflystuck AU, so go check it out!!! Gogogogogo!!!  
> Here's a link:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/11878377/chapters/26823015

Your name is John Egbert and fuck, Rose can be very intimidating if she wants to be.

She leads you to the front of the cafe, glaring at anyone close enough to hear the conversation you are about to have until they go away.

When you are alone, she turns back to you.

"John, you have been very despondent lately. Is there anything that's bothering you?"

Yes, there is. 

"Not really. I've just been kinda distracted lately. A lot of irons in the fire, and all."

Tell her. Do it. You're going to die if you don't tell anyone.

"So I've noticed. You know that if anything is wrong you can tell us, right?" 

Your heart plunges when you feel the familiar, yet horrible, tickling in your throat again. You will not do this in front of Rose. You will not start coughing up flowers in front of Rose. 

You start coughing up flowers in front of Rose.

It's never been this bad before, and you cringe when you see a spot of blood on your hands. You feel like you're dying.

Oh wait. You are.

You have never gotten this many petals before, and you even get a full flower. It's perfect, all of the petals on the carnation intact. 

Rose hasn't left your side, and she frowns when she sees the flower and it's petals.

"That's Dave's favorite... I thought so." You hear her murmur. 

When you are done _(a full flower! A whole one!)_ , Rose hugs you. You are somewhat surprised by the physical contact (something Rose doesn't do often), but you are too tired to care. 

The red of the carnation does well to cover up the red of your blood, you notice. 

But it's still there. 

The proof of your slow decay is still there.

Your name is John Egbert, and you are getting worse.


	4. Craspedias

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go check out my moirail AceIrregular's stuff! It's really good and it needs more love!! They're currently writing a really awesome Fireflystuck AU, so go check it out!!! Gogogogogo!!!  
> Here's a link:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/11878377/chapters/26823015

Your name is Rose Lalonde and your friend, John Egbert, is slowly dying because he's pining after your oblivious brother, Dave Strider.

==> Rose: Meddle.

Of course you're going to meddle. You won't just let John waste away like this. You know that if this were to continue like it is now, John would most certainly die. He's too hardheaded to let Dave know how he's feeling until it was too late, and Dave is much too oblivious to notice unless it was brought to his attention. 

They were honestly made for each other.

The incident at Prospit had only confirmed your suspicions about John's predicament, which you've had for quite some time. 

For the first time, you are thankful that you've experienced a situation similar to his.

Her name was Kanaya Maryam, and your flowers were jade-green craspedias. You remember their round shape made it particularly uncomfortable to... Expel from your lungs. You remember being hunched over your toilet, sweating and shivering and miserable as your stomach emptied its jade-green contents into the water below. You remember seeing your blood tarnish the green and dot the round flower. You remember slowly dying.

But, you remember confessing.

You remember acceptance.

You remember reciprocation.

You remember being free from the flowers and their misery.

You now know Kanaya and what it means to have someone that loves you back, someone who loves you for who you are.

And you will not let John end the way you almost did.

Your name is Rose Lalonde, and you are going to save John Egbert and Dave Strider from themselves.


	5. Jaded

==> Rose: concoct an amazingly complicated plan that's sure to work!

You cannot do that because you are too busy being the other girl.

Your name is Jade Harley and your brother, John Egbert, has been acting very weird lately! He's become very distant, and he shuts himself in his room all the time. When you do get to see him, he always looks so sad when he thinks nobody is looking, and his smiles are weary and thin.

Needless to say, you are very worried.

==> Jade: Be the concerned sister!

No, fuck that shit!  You've been the concerned sister for too long! You're going to _do_ something about it!

==> Jade: Okay, do something about it!

Hell.

Fucking.

Yes.

You determinedly stomp up the stairs, and you very loudly knock on John's door. If he doesn't answer, you _are_ prepared to kick his door open.

But he does.

And he looks awful.

His eyes have dark bags underneath them, and his hair is more of a mess than usual. He looks sickly and pale and holy shit is that blood???

You quickly open the door and look him over, trying to find if or where he could be injured. He seems to be okay, if you don't count him looking like he's just contracted some killer disease.

"Jade! What are you doing? Is everything okay?"

"I could ask you the same question! You've been so distant lately, and you never talk to me anymore! Are you alright?"

He looks apologetic.

"I, uh, guess I just got sick or something, I didn't mean to make you feel ignored or anything." He gives you another smile.

Another absolutely bullshit smile! You know your brother better than he probably knows himself, and he is not okay.

"There! There it is again! You can't just stand there and lie to my face, John! You aren't okay!"

He winces.

"No, no! I'm just sick or something, I guess. It's just lasted... longer than I thought it would, is all. I didn't mean to, uh, worry you."

You frown. He's not being completely honest, but you have a feeling he'd take whatever he's hiding to his grave.

"Well, if you're sick, then I'll take care of you until you're not." Because he honestly does look like he's sick. You should make some soup or something.

Hopefully he'll get better soon. 

After making him lie down ( _Sick people should really just lay down, John!_ ), you search your kitchen for any soup cans.

You pause when you hear a small _ping!_ coming from your phone. You smile a bit when you see that it's Karkat, and he's messaging you in his familiar all caps and gray text.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 15:00 -- 

CG: HEY JADE.

GG: hey karkat! whats up?

CG: I JUST WANTED TO ASK YOU IF

CG: FUCK. DAMMIT.

CG: I JUST WANTED TO ASK YOU IF YOU HAVE THE HUMAN GEOGRAPHY NOTES FROM THURSDAY. I CAN'T FIND THEM IN MY NOTEBOOK OR SOMETHING, I GUESS.

GG: oh! yes, i do! i can give them to you tomorrow if you need them. 

CG: SURE, WHATEVER.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 15:10 --

You can't help but feel slightly disappointed for some reason. 

You continue looking for soup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go check out my moirail AceIrregular's stuff! It's really good and it needs more love!! They're currently writing a really awesome Fireflystuck AU, so go check it out!!! Gogogogogo!!!  
> Here's a link:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/11878377/chapters/26823015


	6. Sick Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go check out my moirail AceIrregular's stuff! It's really good and it needs more love!! They're currently writing a really awesome Fireflystuck AU, so go check it out!!! Gogogogogo!!!  
> Here's a link:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/11878377/chapters/26823015

==> Jade: Be John.

You are now John Egbert once more, and _holy shit you really don't want Jade to find out about this, especially because of her relationship with Dave._

But it seems that Fate or Gog or whatever is up there is in cahoots against you, seeing as Jade is forcing you to remain bed-ridden until _"that sickness goes away, John!"_

But you know that it won't go away. This stupid thing won't go away unless Dave reciprocates your feelings _(highly unlikely)_ or you get the costly surgery required to remove the roots from your system. That's not gonna happen, as much as you hate this stupid thing, you'd rather feel like complete shit and remember Dave than forget him and be healthy. You're his best bro (as much as you want to be more) and he's yours, and you know him well enough to know that it'd kill him if you suddenly stopped remembering him one day. 

Or, you know. You could die. That'd make it go away.

You quickly derail this train of thought, instead opting to pester Dave or Rose to pass some time and distract you from your current situation a bit.

You can't help but smile as you pester Dave.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 15:05 --

TG: sup egbert

EB: hey, dave!

TG: to what do i owe this glorious egbertian conversation

EB: not much, i guess. 

EB: i got a little sick and now jade is forcing me to stay in bed until i'm healthy again.

TG: damn

TG: thats jade for you

TG: im like 99 percent sure shes a force of nature

TG: she could probably destroy you with one glare

TG: you get out of that bed and shell give you that look

TG: the one that says sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up or ill rip you a new one

EB: pretty much. :B

EB: how're you?

TG: im pretty ok i guess same as usual

TG: hey man

EB: yeah?

TG: youve been really off lately 

TG: like im used to you spacing out but youre taking it to a whole new level now

TG: its like youre a fucking alien or some shit

TG: youre not gonna grow horns on me or anything right

EB: what does that even mean, dave? you make no sense.

TG: what are you talking about i make perfect sense

TG: but anyways

TG: you okay dude

You grimace. This is exactly what you'd wanted to avoid.

EB: yeah! i'm fine!

EB: i'm pretty sure it's because of this stupid flu or whatever i've got. 

EB: nothing to worry about, i swear!

TG: if youre sure man

TG: wouldnt want my best bro to suddenly drop dead or anything

TG: like im all for dead things ive got a shit ton of preserved dead things

TG: im all over that shit

TG: but a dead thing that looks like an egbert is not something i want to deal with

TG: you feel me dude

EB: yeah, i feel you, you dork.

TG: egbert what the fuck

TG: i am not a dork i am the coolest and most ironic person to ever walk this earth

TG: people see me walk by on the street and theyre like

TG: if only i could be half as cool and ironic as that kid right there 

TG: hes got that shit down-packed

EB: sure, dave. :B

EB: talk to you later!

TG: yeah

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 15:35 --

You sigh tiredly. You didn't know a conversation that didn't actually involve any talking could be so exhausting. You hate lying to your friends, but that's all you ever seem to do anymore.

 

You notice Rose is pestering you. 

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 15:37 --

TT: Hello, John. 

EB: hey rose. 

TT: How are you doing? Have you gotten any worse since Prospit?

EB: only a little, i guess. a few more petals, a little bit more blood. the usual, hehe. but really, you don't have to worry about me! i'm fine.

TT: John, we both know you are not, in fact, fine. You don't have to lie about being okay.

TT: John?

TT: Are you there?

EB:

EB: 

EB: ...i'm scared, rose. i'm

EB: i'm going to die, aren't i? i'm going to die because of these fucking flowers and i don't want to and i'm scared. i don't want to die rose but i can't forget him either i can't it would kill him and i can't do that to him i can't

TT: I know, John. I understand, I really do. 

TT: You aren't going to die. 

TT: I promise you, you are going to be just fine.

EB: how do you know? that's... a really big promise for something like this.

TT: I know because I've been through this, too. You know Kanaya?

TT: My flowers were green craspedias. 

TT: https://www.fiftyflowers.com/product/craspedia-billy-balls-green-flower.htm

EB: what? wait, what?? really??? are those even flowers? i mean i knew you liked her but i didn't know... 

EB: rose i had no idea.

TT: Yes, I know. I tried very hard to keep it hidden from you all. 

TT: I finally managed to work up the courage to confess my feelings to her, and she reciprocated in kind.

TT: You will be fine.

TT: Trust me. I know from experience.

EB: but he'd have to return my feelings, rose!

EB: and he's with jade right now.

TT: Yes, I am aware.

TT: Do not worry about that.

EB:

EB: okay, if you say so. i trust you.

EB: thanks rose. just... thank you. i didn't have anyone to talk to about this before and it's kinda nice to have someone to vent to, you know? 

TT: Yes, actually.

TT: I do. 

EB: okay, jade's coming back. i'll talk to you later.

TT: Alright.

TT: Goodbye, John.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 16:03 --

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, writing for Dave was unexpectedly difficult.


	7. Miracles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miracles.

==> John: Be Rose.

You cannot be Rose because you are too busy being the other boy. Your name is Karkat Vantas and damn it, you are such a fucking coward. It is no secret to you or your close friends (i.e., Kanaya, Terezi, and Gamzee) that you have a crush on Jade Harley.

==> Karkat: Ask Jade out!

You cannot ask Jade out because she's too busy dating Dave Strider. Jegus, you’re screwed. You really don’t know what Karkat-from-a-couple-years-ago was thinking, falling in love like that. Jade and Dave have been together for a couple months now, but you’ve had these stupid feelings for way longer!

Like, four years longer!

Jade's just too nice and kind, yet fierce if you get on her bad side. Jade is passionate and when she cares about something, she gets the cutest little twinkle in her eyes. She's the stars in the sky and the space all around you. If someone were to tell you that Jade Harley hung the moon in the sky, you'd tell them to fuck off and stop telling you things you already knew.

Basically, you're pretty sure Jade Harley has single-handedly managed to turn you into a hopeless, mushy jackass.

But you don't regret it. You don't regret a single motherfucking moment of it all. If you had the ability to go back and never meet Jade, you wouldn't do it. Because then you'd have to forget about her, and you're honestly not sure you'd be able to do that.

You growl in frustration for the sixth time today as you remember what you had almost said to Jade earlier. You had almost asked her why she was with that insufferable prick, why he was so special, what he was that you weren't, something like a protagonist from one of your rom-coms. But instead, you became an infernal cluckbeast and chickened out, asking about history notes or something stupid like that.

You slide down into the bench you're sitting on in irritation. You pause for a moment, listening to the sounds of the wind blowing through the trees in an attempt to calm down, cool your head. You were sitting on a bench in an empty park, the silence both a blessing and a curse because while the silence meant there was nobody around, it also left you to your thoughts, and _boy_ _were they spiraling._ It was a lazy late afternoon, the color orange just blossoming over the treetops, and it smelled of fresh air and cut grass. It might have been chilly to most people, but it wasn't for you because of your thick grey sweater you wore everyday. 

Maybe it was better this way. Maybe Dave was good for Jade, maybe she would be happier with Dave than with you.

Who're you kidding? Just thinking about Jade and Dave doing lovey-dovey relationship bullshit makes you want to do an acrobatic fucking pirouette off of all of the handles. All of them. You knew today was going to be awful the moment you woke up, you just wish Paradox Space (whatever that was, Terezi just started saying shit like that one day and _damn it,_ now you were too) didn't have the unending hobby of proving you right on everything you wish was wrong. 

But of course if it didn't, then your life wouldn't be the unending cesspool of misery that it always was. Which was a good thing, if you thought about it. Whatever.

"What the motherfuck is up, motherfucker? You look real upset there, best friend." 

Oh gog _(damn it, Terezi)_ , another one of these assholes coming to bother you when you want to be alone, _as usual._

"Gogdamn it. Go the fuck away, Gamzee! I don't want to talk to your stoned juggalo ass right now." You turn to face Gamzee, scowling. He is (as usual) unfazed, and laughs.

"Brother, you look in need of a motherfuckin' miracle." He sits down on your small bench, and you begrudgingly scoot over in order to make more room. You know from experience that he won't go away unless you actually mean it when you tell him to leave.

"Now, what's been all up and flippin' shit in that thinkpan of yours?" 

"It's... About Jade." You mumble slowly, and Gamzee sagely nods. 

"You still feeling down about your motherfuckin' feelings, and how Dogsis doesn't feel the same motherfucking way?"

You slump just a bit, and the look on your face answers his questions. Gamzee puts his arm around your shoulders, and you bristle slightly at the unexpected physical contact.

"Well, maybe you should stop worrying about it so motherfuckin' much. Paradox Space has a real funny motherfucking way of makin' things work out. Miracles and shit, you know?" Gamzee smiles lazily. 

"But what am I supposed to do? Just sit here and watch Jade and that prick do gross fucking relationship bullshit and pretend that I don't want to fucking die every time they do something remotely close to PDA?" You groan, putting your face in your hands. "This is starting to feel like some shitty movie plot." You look up when you hear Gamzee hum in thought. He looks thoughtful for a moment before responding, a warm tilt in his tone.

"No, I'm not saying that, motherfucker. I'm just sayin’ that instead of coming to some motherfuckin’ park or some shit to worry and be miserable, when you’re feeling those wicked negative feelings you come to your best bro and we can kick back and share a wicked elixir together. We can make a motherfuckin' pile and have a wicked fuckin' feelings jam if you want, bro.”

Despite yourself, you smile just a bit. 

“...Thanks, Gamzee. And I’m not gonna drink any of that stupid sludge.”

He laughs, before hugging you. Your mood has been effectively lifted, and you hug back. He pulls away, and he grins cheerfully.

"No problem, motherfucker. Anytime."

Miracles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go check out my moirail AceIrregular's stuff! It's really good and it needs more love!! They're currently writing a really awesome Fireflystuck AU, so go check it out!!! Gogogogogo!!!  
> Here's a link:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/11878377/chapters/26823015


	8. Like Puzzle Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go check out my moirail AceIrregular's stuff! It's really good and it needs more love!! They're currently writing a really awesome Fireflystuck AU, so go check it out!!! Gogogogogo!!!  
> Here's a link:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/11878377/chapters/26823015

==> Karkat: Be Rose.   
_Days in the future… But not enough to shake a stick at…_  
Your name is Rose Lalonde, and you have your work cut out for you. Of course you are an expert in the affairs of meddling, but even this seems a little ridiculous! Picking up your knitting bag, you sit on your bed and take out your knitting needles and purple yarn, beginning to knit (what looks like a laptop cozy? But you already have one of those… Or… Maybe it’s a scarf? Or is it a blanket? Fuck it, you’ve gotten this far, might as well continue) in thought.  
You hope you figure this out.  
_Gods,_ you hope you figure this out.  
You have been rather busy lately with high school and its many dramas, so you haven’t been as focused on those around you as you would have liked, but you are fairly confident you understand the situation your friends have found themselves in.  
John loves Dave, but Dave is Jade’s boyfriend. John also has the deadly Hanahaki Disease and will most certainly perish if this goes on for too long. And then there’s the issue of Karkat… You’re fairly certain that he harbors feelings for Jade, but he doesn’t seem to have Hanahaki Disease and seems unwilling to confess to Jade, which is understandable because of her relationship with Dave.  
………  
This.  
Is.  
STUPID.  
You abandon your knitting for the moment and grab your purple velvet pillow, covering your face with it to stifle a groan. Why did your friends’ love lives have to be so unnecessarily complicated? _And why were they so bad at it?_  
After a moment of some well-deserved groaning, you place the pillow back at the foot of your bed and go back to your knitting, the repeating motions of the yarn helping you focus.  
You compose a checklist of tasks that need to be completed in your mind.  
You have several things you need to do.  
Pester Karkat, confirm some theories, pester Dave, confirm several more theories, and come up with an amazingly complicated plan that’s sure to work!  
Well… Maybe not that last one. You aren’t really sure why the plan has to be complicated, as long as it works.  
You jump only slightly when you hear the soft _ping!_ of your Pesterchum going off. It seems you had been spacing out, having missed several messages from your brother.

\--  turntechGodhead [TG]  began pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT] at 12:10 -- 

TG: rose

TG: rose

TG: ok guess youre not there

TG: abandoning me like a fucking quiche under a bench

TG: all alone and wondering why the fuck someone would waste perfectly good food

TG: like shit i know some people dont like eggs but damn

TG: at least give it to a kid passing by or something

TG: shit i dont know where i was going with that

TT: Hello, dear brother.

TT: To what do I owe this glorious Striderian conversation?

TT: If your rambling was anything to go by, I'd say it was quite urgent.

TG: you know me always flying off handles and shit

TG: id say i was like a bird but fuck that

TG: birds are assholes

TG: flying through windows and pecking at your shit

TG: brainless feathery assholes

  
You raise a single eyebrow in the way you know annoys him, even though you are aware he can’t see it. His behavior has piqued your interest, and though you know he tends to launch into especially long bouts of text, something about this time strikes you as strange.  
==> Rose: Investigate!  
You most certainly will.

TT: You still have not answered my question.

TT: Has anything happened recently?

TG: shit never stops happening here in strider town

TG: population me

TG: you should know that by now lalonde

TT: Oh yes, how could I have forgotten?

TT: But we both know that that is not what I mean. 

TG: yeah 

TG: yeah i know

TT: Well?

TG: well

TG: look rose 

TT: What am I supposed to be looking at, David?

TT: You are acting horribly skittish for someone as “cool” as yourself.

TG: fuck off lalonde  
Oh. You should probably tone it down a few notches. Whatever it is that he’s so nervous about is obviously bothering him, and you aren’t exactly helping him by being antagonistic.

TT: I’ll stop. So what is it you wish to speak to me about?

TG: alright

TG: so here i am

TG: jamming with my turntables like usual

TG: rapping and shit

TG: and i start thinking about jade

TG: and i continue that for a while

TG: but then i realized that wow 

TG: jade looks a lot like john

TG: and wow holy shit how have i never realized that before

TG: and then i start thinking about my best bro and how weird hes been lately

TT: Wow, so much thinking. Try not to hurt yourself, dear brother.

TG: fuck you

TG: and i realized that i always get really happy when i talk to him

TG: i just feel fuckin happy when i hang out with him in general

TG: butterflies and all of that sappy shit

TG: what im trying to say i guess is

TG: i think i like john

TG: like as more than best bros

TG: and i guess i some fucking how didnt realize it until now

TT: …

TG: well lalonde

TT: Well well.

TG: god dammit rose what the fuck

TT: That was not what I was expecting, to be perfectly honest. 

TG: what were you expecting

TG: were you expecting me to pull out a motherfucking squiddle and start professing my love for a shitty kids cartoon

TT: No.

TT: But this does make my job much easier. 

TG: what job

TG: what are you talking about

TG: rose

TG: god dammit

  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 12:20 --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a snippet from the next chapter:  
>  _"Hours in the past... But not enough to choke a horse with..._  
>  _Your name is Dave Strider and you think you just broke all of the laws of the Bro Code. All of them. Well maybe not all of them, but probably enough. You were just minding your own business, making some sick beats when you started to think about your girlfriend, Jade. And then that somehow fucking escalated into realizing that damn, John was really cute. Like, really cute. How did you not notice this before?!"_
> 
> You guys!!!!!  
> Oh my god, you guys!!!!!!!!  
> We've reached 1000 hits and ahhhhh I'm so happy right now ;u;  
> 


	9. Realizations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go check out my moirail AceIrregular's stuff! It's really good and it needs more love!! They're currently writing a really awesome Fireflystuck AU, so go check it out!!! Gogogogogo!!!  
> Here's a link:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/11878377/chapters/26823015

Hours in the past... But not enough to choke a horse with...  
Your name is Dave Strider and you think you just broke all of the laws of the Bro Code. All of them. Well maybe not all of them, but probably enough. You were just minding your own business, making some sick beats when you started to think about your girlfriend, Jade. And then that somehow fucking escalated into realizing that damn, John was really cute. Like, really cute. How did you not notice this before?!  
==> Dave: Be One Hour Ago Dave.  
You are now Dave from an hour ago, and you are pumped to have a jam session with your turntables. You haven’t been able to do it in ages, and you are itching to make some sick beats.  
As you spin you let your mind wander, and it decides to sit the fuck down with Jade.  
Jade is your girlfriend of six months and she is great. She’s really smart and honestly one of the most adorable people you’ve ever seen. It was really cool to have both your girlfriend and your best friend living in the same house, so that when you came over you’d always have a good time.  
You frown, your usually neutral expression faltering just a bit.  
John has been acting really strange, lately. Instead of the bubbly, nerdy friend you were so used to being around, he’s become more… Sad. More closed off and tired.  
Something must be really wrong, because you haven’t ever described him like that before. John was the person that would always, without fail, cheer you up and you just felt happy being around him. You had initially met him online on Pesterchum, and you could remember being uncharacteristically nervous when you were going to visit him for the first time. You had moved from Texas to Washington (fuck it was cold here, you’re surprised you haven’t frozen to death yet) due to some developments with your Bro’s puppet porn website.  
You really hate those things.  
Well anyways, you really hope that whatever is bothering him so much will blow over soon. You haven’t seen him very happy in ages.  
You make a mental note to visit and cheer him the fuck up, Strider style.  
Hell fucking yes.  
You feel yourself smile at the prospect, not the usual smirk or thin line that’s usually taken residency on your face.  
You think about his hair and how soft it looks, how you’d really love to run your fingers through it and hear him laugh, saying something stupid like _“I didn’t know coolkids were so clingy, Dave!”_ and you’d shut him up with a-  
Your records make an unpleasant scratching sound as you rip your hands away from them.  
What  
the  
Fuck.

What the actual fuck were you just thinking?  
You have a fucking girlfriend! Her name is Jade Harley and she has black hair and buck teeth and glasses and _holy shit she looks a lot like John._  
_Which makes sense because they’re siblings, dumpass._  
What the fuck even-What?  
You need to talk to Rose.  
You need to talk to Rose right the fuck now.  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 12:10 --  
TG: rose

TG: rose

TG: ok guess youre not there


	10. On The Subject of Emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go check out my moirail AceIrregular's stuff! It's really good and it needs more love!! They're currently writing a really awesome Fireflystuck AU, so go check it out!!! Gogogogogo!!!  
> Here's a link:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/11878377/chapters/26823015

==> Past Dave: Be Several Hours in the Future Dave. 

Because you had previously been a Dave an hour in the past from a Dave hours in the past but not many, you are now the Dave that is a couple hours ahead of the Dave that was in the past by a few hours, instead of the Dave that was behind by a few hours plus one more. Obviously. Time’s complex interworking and interlocking mechanisms are simple and easy to understand and anybody who doesn’t feel that way is either stupid or joking. Duh.

Anyways, back to the future-but-not-by-a-whole-lot Dave.

Your name is Dave Strider and you have never been this confused in your life. 

The thing is, Striders don’t _get_ confused. They’re badasses that always know what they’re doing, why they want to do it and how the fuck they’re going to pull it off. But you aren’t sure of any of those things. You don’t know what to do with these feelings you stumbled upon and you kind of want to throw Lil Cal out of a window because of the way he’s staring at you. 

But you won’t do that, because Lil Cal is ~~really weird~~ awesome. Maybe groaning into a pillow would be better, if somewhat less cathartic. Besides, Bro would kick your ass if you trashed one of his favorite ~~creepy~~ puppets. You’d probably be grounded for weeks, and you’d most likely go batshit insane if you were separated from your turntables for longer than a couple days. Especially after the huge fucking bombshell you just dropped on yourself like it was December 7th, 1941 and your mind is goddamn Pearl Harbor. 

You are rethinking everything you have ever known and been taught because of one (1) John fucking Egbert.

Jesus Christ, your life is a goddamn sitcom. 

You need some AJ for this shit. Although, going out and getting it would probably mean facing your Bro, and he’s one of the few people in your life that can see through your poker face (like John always has, holy fuck you are not thinking about this right now) considering he’s the one that taught you how to have one in the first place. You mull it over for a few more minutes, debating the pros and cons. 

But the apple juice, it beckons.

So you finally decide that any amount of teasing from your Bro would be worth the sweet comfort your apple juice could bring you. 

You creep out of your room, (somewhat) silently moving down the stairs in your apartment towards the kitchen. 

You’ve made it to the fridge with your prize in sight and you’re starting to think this excursion was a little too easy when a voice sounds right next to you, right over your shoulder. 

“Hey lil man. What’s up?” It’s most definitely your Bro. Your heart leaps up to your throat in surprise, and you hope it doesn’t show when you turn your head to the side in order to acknowledge him. Judging by the smug smirk on his face, you’re thinking maybe you didn’t hide it as well as you’d hoped you had. Damn.

You recover and make a non-committal noise, shrugging. “Just grabbing some AJ, as you can see with that smug-ass smirk on your face,” you snap. He raises his hands in mock surrender, still looking smug as fuck. 

“Alright, what’s got your panties in a twist? You’re usually much better at not being a snippy little shit.” He crosses his arms, one eyebrow raised above his shades. You almost groan, but bite it back. You grab a bottle of juice and start the journey back to your room, flicking a response to him over your shoulder.

“Nothing, Bro. I’m fine.” 

There’s a shift in the air around you and suddenly Bro’s there in front of you. He flash-stepped, why didn’t you think of that? He’s ever-so-slightly frowning, evident by the crease in his eyebrows and the subtle pull of his mouth. 

“No, you’re not. If you don’t tell me what the fuck is wrong with you, I’ll have to deal with your pissy attitude until you get your shit together.” You frown. You know you’re probably overreacting, but you don’t have the energy to give a shit. He’ll get over it eventually. He’s always been the more dramatic of you two.

“Wow, so nice to see that you care,” you remark coolly, crossing your arms. “How much were you paid to ask?” 

“Not fuckin’ enough, you little shit.” A few tense, silent moments pass as you glare at him through your shades. You can’t see his eyes, but you know that you’re having the most intense staring contest that Paradox Space has ever seen. But you seem to have forgotten one of the most important rules of your childhood; Bro always beats you at staring contests. You can feel your resolve crumble but you hold steadfast for a few more moments. 

...You can’t do it. You can not win the staring contest. 

You throw your arms up in irritation and scowl with an exasperated, “Fine! Jesus.”

You sit down on the couch, a suitable distance between the two of you. You explain the whole situation to him, from the mess with Jade to (reluctantly) your situation with John. He gives you the best “ _what the fuck is wrong with you_?” look you have ever seen throughout the whole one-sided conversation and you can’t help but admit that talking to someone about this is pretty cathartic. 

“But do you love her?” He inquires.

You ~~stall~~ unscrew the cap of your AJ, the cap making a satisfying _pop!_ as it opens. You take a long sip, prolonging your answer to his question, and relishing the sweetness. Sadly, the moment ends and you must answer your brother’s question now.

“...Yes?” You almost wince at how it sounds. He raises a single eyebrow in response.

“That sounds like a question,” Bro crosses his arms and leans back on the couch. “You aren’t sure if you love this girl or not, but you’re dating her.” He frowns. “I raised you better than that, lil man.” You almost cringe at the hint of disappointment laced in his tone. You see what your friends mean when they say they’d rather their parental figures be mad at them than disappointed; This shit fucking blows. 

You respond just a little too quickly, “I’ve never thought about it before. I do love her, Bro. How could I not? She’s one of my best friends, I-” He is unimpressed with your answer and cuts you off.

“See, there’s the problem in this whole fucking mess,” he states flatly. “You just called her a best friend, not your girlfriend. You need to figure out what Jade is to you, and how John fits into this whole goddamn mess of teenage hormones and bullshittery.” He’s right, you know that, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult.

“Jade is great. She’s kind, pretty, fun to be around-” 

“But do you like her _romantically_? You need to stop beating around the goddamn bush before I beat _you_ with _it_ , you emotionally constipated shit.” 

“I-Fuck. I can’t...” something heavy, dark and slimy settles in your stomach. _Do you?_ Jade is an amazing friend, but do you really like her like _that_? You feel warmth when you think of her, but it’s the same kind of warmth when you think of Rose or even Bro (not that you’d ever admit it to him). You suppose it could be easy to mistake it for something else when it was for somebody not family. You push away your mental barriers in preparation. But when you think of John like that… 

You feel like you’re flying. When you think of his stupid goofy smile you feel like you could do anything. His eyes remind you of the sky and his laugh sounds like music.

“No.” The word feels like acid on your tongue, the guilt is choking you. 

“Well then that’s that.” He holds out his fist for a fist bump and you return it somewhat slowly. He pats you on the back.

“Now go do something about it before I vomit from how much you’re blushing,” he deadpans.

“Oh my god, Bro. Fuck you!” You spit in indignation, scowling. He only smirks in response, his smugness meter off the charts. You stand up and start to leave for your room, making sure not to forget your AJ. 

You can feel the warmth on your cheeks and you quietly hiss out swears as you walk back.

“ _Shit, Damn it, Fuck me_ -” 

“Pretty sure that’s John’s job, Dave!” Bro shouts over to you over your shoulder. You nearly trip over your own feet and you are sure that the comment didn’t do anything to help the blush you have now been informed that you’re nursing. 

“Bro what the fuck! Jesus fucking Christ almighty-” The string of curses you’ve started spitting only increase and you start walking faster, ignoring his laughs as you retreat back to your room.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 14:34 --

TG: harley

GG: hi dave!

GG: to what do i owe this glorious striderian conversation?

TG: are you free monday night

GG: why, yes i am!

GG: how come?

TG: we need to talk about something serious

GG: oh.

GG: uh...

GG: okay.

TG: could you meet me at derse at 4 pm

GG: ...sure?

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 14:38 --


	11. Great Stride(r)s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go check out my moirail AceIrregular's stuff! It's really good and it needs more love!! They're currently writing a really awesome Fireflystuck AU, so go check it out!!! Gogogogogo!!!  
> Here's a link:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/11878377/chapters/26823015

Your name is John Egbert and you’re not sure how much time you have left. You don’t think you really want to know. You don’t miss the concerned glances that Rose and Kanaya “occasionally” shoot your way, every time you cough into your hand or cough into your elbow or cough in general or shudder particularly hard.

You need to tell them about how you’re on one of the last stages. About how two nights ago you were huddled over your trash can shaking and miserable because you couldn’t make it to your toilet in time. About the roots that had appeared in your mouth when you woke up this morning. About how they’re thin, almost like strangely textured arteries, crawling up from your throat and about how your already hindered breath is almost unbearable at this point. You need to tell them. You need to, you need to, you need to. Your chest feels tight, like something is squeezing it from the inside; and you know too well that something is. There are roots and petals and flowers inside you, leeching off of you, killing you. You feel like you’re wilting, as if the red flowers inside of you were blooming as you were doing quite the opposite.

You want it to end. It’s miserable and horrible and you can’t. Fucking. Breathe. 

That’s probably the worst part. Out of everything, the loss of breath is ever present and annoying as all hell and frustrating and just-

-fuck. You got too worked up. When you get upset your body wants you to breathe faster and you can’t exactly do that and it hurts, you hurt everywhere. You pause and take a moment to calm yourself, feeling somewhat relieved when the pain recedes for the time being. 

You hadn’t been too familiar with Kanaya before all of this, but you had gotten to know her because of your illness. Whenever Rose had come to visit you, Kanaya had occasionally tagged along, or whenever Jade was off of your back for a while and you made the trek to Rose’s house, Kanaya had sometimes been there to greet you. At least that was one positive thing that came with these stupid flowers, you think. You feel yourself smiling. Rose and Kanaya are such lovey-dovey dorks together sometimes. 

As if the universe is reading your mind, your phone buzzes next to you. Rose’s soft violet text greets you, and you unlock your phone.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 10:21 --

TT: John, I believe that you mentioned your sister was going to be away quite a while today?  
EB: why yes madame lalonde, i believe i did!  
EB: i think she and dave are going on a date today, or somethi

You feel petals crawling up your throat for the umpteenth time today, and as you hack and cough, you accidentally hit some of the buttons on your phone. 

EB: hkyljjtswkmg  
TT: Are you alright?   
EB: yeah, i just had a fit, sorry.

You can feel her mother-henning from here. Who knew Rose had it in her? 

TT: I believe we will not have to worry about this situation for long.   
EB: what? why?   
TT: Call it a feeling, I suppose.   
TT: I have a feeling things are to resolve themselves soon.  
EB: so there wont be any more of this outrageous bullshittery?   
TT: Yes, I do in fact believe this heinous tomfoolery will cease.  
EB: this atrocious buffoonery?  
TT: This egregious fandango.   
EB: this abominable japer  
EB: we…  
EB: should probably stop.   
TT: ...Quite. Though this exchange is amusing, it isn’t very productive.  
TT: Is it alright if we come over? Kanaya and I have matters we wish to discuss with you.  
EB: thats fine.  
EB: and, uh.  
EB: could you bring some of that really good tea you had the other day?   
TT: Of course, Sir Egbert. Anything else I can assist you with, my liege?  
EB: not at the moment, my lady. :B  
TT: Alright then. We’re on our way.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 10:38 --

\-----

Your name is Dave Strider and Jade Harley can be very scary when she’s upset. 

Not that she’s upset just yet, you just aren’t excited for when she will be. Which we most likely be a few minutes from now. You are currently standing in Derse, your (and Rose’s) favorite cafe in probably the whole world. Prospit is okay, and you can see why John and Jade like it so much, but the colors are too bright for you and their drinks and pastries are too sweet for your tastes.

Jade is standing next to you, and an awkward, dragging silence is clouded between the two of you.

You walk up to the cashier and pay for your usual (apple turnover sans the icing with iced coffee) and Jade’s usual (cinnamon roll with a medium hot chocolate) and head back over to your booth. As soon as the two of you sit down, Jade looks at you with a question in her eyes. You meet her questioning gaze.

“I wanted to talk to you about something, Jade.” You take a sip of your coffee. Jade rolls her eyes impatiently, and shoves a piece of the sugary roll in her mouth. She taps her fingers on the table uneasily as she chews and swallows.

“Yes, I know! I’m a little nervous? It kinda feels like you’re breaking up with me.” 

Shit. This is not going according to plan.

(well, it’s not like you really had a plan for this in the first place, but…)

“I-um,” you intelligently answer, and then you take a deep breath. It’s like ripping off a band-aid, right? 

“Yeah. I, uh, I am. And I know it’s so cliche, but it’s because I’m a fucking idiot and it isn’t your fault.” Jade winces, and she deflates. She doesn’t look especially surprised, but you see tears in her eyes regardless. 

“Why?” You go to comfort her, touch her shoulder, but she pushes your hand off. Jade meets your eyes, fierce and determined, yet sad at the same time.

“Why?” She asks again. You frown, and the mere thought of eating your apple turnover now makes your stomach twist. You hadn’t been very hungry before, but now the idea of eating anything made you uncomfortable.

“I fucked up, Harls-” she interrupts you- “Tell me why, damn it! I want to know why you’re doing this!” Fuck, she’s crying now.

“Fuck, okay. Alright. I just-I realized some things, you know? I did some motherfucking soul searching-shit got real metaphysical. I realized that I wasn’t-I don’t love you. Shit, that came out wrong. I don’t love you romantically. I love you, of course I do! Just as a friend though, you know? Like, you’re one of my best friends and I don’t know what I’d do without you, but-” She waves you off, wiping at her eyes. “I get it, Dave. I get it.” Jade laughs quietly, gathering her things. She stands up, and as she leaves, you almost miss what she mutters as she passes you.

“Maybe John’ll have a chance now, huh?” 

\----

Your name is John Egbert once again, and holy shit this tea is delicious. You think it’s called matcha tea? You had some before when Rose visited you the other day. It’s creamy and good and tastes slightly grassy, a welcome change from the usual sickly-sweet taste of flower petals. As a bonus, you can breathe easier as you drink it, almost as if the drink is drowning your flowers. 

Die you crimson motherfuckers, die! 

Rose’s voice snaps you out of your head, and you give her your attention.

“Sir Egbert, is your drink satisfactory? I made sure to make it to your specifications.” Rose elegantly sits herself on your couch next to Kanaya, and she goofily bows to you. You return the silly gesture from your spot on the floor, careful not to spill your drink. You’re an excellent host after all, and no guest of yours are going to sit on the floor, especially not your friends! The couch wasn’t big enough for all three of you anyways. 

“It is exquisite, Madame Lalonde. Truly superb.” Rose laughs and you weakly do the same, not missing the worry that quickly flashes across your friend’s face. Your mood falls slightly, and it sobers you. 

“What did you two want to talk about?” You ask the couple. Kanaya smooths out her dress-skirt-thing, putting her hands in her lap.

“Well, we are not sure how much time we have left. We were thinking that maybe you should... confess to Dave about your feelings.” Your heart drops to your stomach, and suddenly this tea doesn’t taste so good anymore. 

“I-I don’t think I can do that Rose! What if… W-What if-” You quickly swallow the drink and curse when you feel scratching at the back of your throat. Your coughing fit lasts longer than usual; you actually have to pull out a couple full flowers and for a few horrible seconds, you can’t breathe at all. You frantically pull out a couple more and you feel tears gathering in your eyes. Thankfully, it passes once you dislodge enough petals and you greedily gulp in air, forcing your lungs to work. Rose and Kanaya are by your side, when did that happen? 

“T-That was the f-first time… I couldn’t breathe…” You’re shaking, and you realize that holy shit, that could’ve killed you.

It feels like the roots in your mouth have reached your molars, too.

...Maybe they have a point.

“When would I do it? What would I say? What would I wear? Jesus you guys, I don’t know if this is a good idea!” Rose lays a hand on your shoulder, and smiles mysteriously.

“You’ll be fine. I’m sure the outcome will turn out favorably for you.”

“But what about Jade? They’re dating, Rose! I can’t just-” 

The front door opens and Jade walks in. She’s crying, and she runs a hand through her hair. Jade looks at the three of you, and her eyes settle on your carnations that are spread around you.

“What’s with all of the flowers?” she slowly asks. You’re surprised she didn’t notice the blood on your hands.

Rose gets up and you shakily follow her. You reach your sister and you hug her. Rose does the same.

“What happened, Jade?” Rose inquires.

“Dave broke up with me.” She pulls away from the hug, and you hate the burst of hope that ignites in your chest. You shouldn’t be happy about that. “I’m gonna be in my room, okay? Please-Please don’t bother me.”

“Alright.” And then she’s gone. Rose turns to you.

“Sir Egbert, I believe we have work to do.”


End file.
